The wirily-built, long-haired performer threads the cloth up one nostril and somehow coughs the end through his throat and out of his mouth, flossing his sinuses and churning more than a few stomachs in the crowd. He turns this up a notch by throwing an unravelled condom into the audience, landing it on a young guy's head.
He's part of French-style circus troupe Cirque du Soir, who have returned to The Milton Club after last month's outrageous party for the bank holiday Sunday. Later he'll fit himself through the frame of a tennis racket and swallow a sword.
Joining him: an obese clown, a PVC-clad cheerleader, a woman in lingerie with a giant gun, an army-girl fire-eater, a dirty old man with no trousers (actually a young woman in a beard, on closer inspection), an American-style wrestler, a giant ventriloquist, a feather-clad showgirl and a voluptuous tattooed woman in a bikini.
It's not for everyone, but I loved it- especially the ball pit, where, typically, I lost my driver's license (the manager found it during cleanup- much respect for that) and a girl lost her phone (my mate found it while a few of us swam around searching). A great alternative to propping up the bar or pretending you can dance. It got surprisingly warm under all those balls.
Not a sentence I thought I'd write on this blog.
If you're going to a club with a ball pit, a word of advice: wear jeans. Don't wear trousers with loose pockets, as something will fall out. The club's Facebook pics will be here.
I didn't get organised in time to turn it into a meetup, but if the Cirque team return, so will Manchester Cool Bars. Get involved.