Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Soft Machine review / Goat story cut-up

'Got to be kidding!' A goat has head-butted a pensioner Perhaps not the strongest advert for a classic book, but a fairly accurate description, those familiar would agree. It takes a bit of stomach to get through the forecourt of the shop, He said the goat "butted" Billy in the back short surrealist novel by a gay dead heroin junkie. I think the point is, it's open to interpretation. The shop manager told BBC News NI t never shies away from its content, up on its hind legs and jumped on two cars, one belonging to a customer and another to a staff member. "We had to trail him inside, "to use the ATM when she spotted the goat and ran back to her car. The goat proved to be a tricky customer even if it does cut from one subject to another. But that's the point of it. the pensioner was not injured. Speaking to the Carrickfergus Times newspaper, the manager said: It reads more like poetry than prose, by which I mean we're left to make our own assumptions and conclusions as to what it all means. The manager said his employee replied: "Yeah, right" and jumped on cars after being refused entry I'm not totally sure what it was about- the stray goat charged at one of his regular customers, named Billy. A man sent to investigate a scientist using mind-control powers? Another customer shouted a warning to a member of staff who was the first in a trilogy, a 'cut-up' saga in which a County Antrim shop was into the baskets eating all the plants and running round the car park, I thought: 'you've got to be kidding me!'" Gay people having 1950s illegal sex? He looked up and saw the goat outside the door, adding: "It seemed to want to break into the shop and it was staring straight at me." he Soft Machine is random words are spliced In the goat walking in to the shop to start work. He said one customer tried ome kind of bizarre murder cult? But when she spotted the goat she dove in to the customer's car for cover. Or all of those? Or none? into the text to the point that the narrative isn't clear any more and you just go with it, before he managed to drag the pensioner into the shop for safety. I enjoyed it, but I didn't see how, over the decades, the goat began eating flower baskets outside the shop on Victoria Road and then frightened staff and customers as they tried to get into the building. picturing your own scenario. The incident ended when t rose from 'jibberish' to 'classic.' a man, believed to be the goat's owner, arrived at the shop and dragged the goat off by the horns. thought it was the bread man knocking."

Soft Machine by William Burroughs, reviewed, cut-up with Stray goat goes wild at Carrickfergus shop, BBC.

Monday, 5 December 2016

Dollar Mondays in Tiger Tiger Tonight- Get Involved!

Like cheap drinks and fit young people? Silly question. Perhaps "Can you handle a Monday night?" is more the relevant question. If the answer to both is "Yes," get invovled with Manchester Cool Bars tonight. We're heading to Tiger Tiger in the Printworks to see what the new Dollar Mondays night is all about. Their Tuesday night is great, so I have high hopes. Let's start next door in Hard Rock Cafe at 9!

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Pulling A Late One

A short erotic office-based story. If that's not your thing, don't read on.

Yeah, I thought you would.


Oh, you've been bad. You shouldn't have done that. Not on a weeknight. Especially not when you've got a meeting the next day.

But, fuck, it's tempting. A whole bar. Mostly students. The manager and the DJ know exactly what they're doing. Cheap alcopops. The birds love 'em, and after the first few bottles they'll do anything to get more for free.


Or, at least, you like to think. They're easy, but you still didn't get anywhere for some reason (possibly because you drank a few alcopops yourself bringing out the leering pervert in you), and you woke up alone five hours later, to both radio and phone alarms blaring. You're now sat in this mind-numbing meeting trying to prop your eyes open, oozing last night's excesses.

Focus. Look at your manager. Oh God, why does she have to be fit too?

“Just a few jobs to dish out today,” she says, sifting through stapled sheets. She says something about a park and a poster.

Wait. No, don't look at her. That blouse is making you think things again.

You take an assignment sheet, making your contribution now, to show people you're with it. Don't let your eyes drop. Loosen your collar and cool off. Straighten your tie to hide it. Listen to the conversation; don't think about those girls. Don't picture them on the podium, in their little denim skirts, bending over and-

A handful of paper passes in front of your eyes and you try not to flinch. You look up at your manager from across the table. Strike one. She's noticed you're half asleep, but she's pretending she hasn't.

Fuck, you think. You wouldn't be in this shit now if it wasn't for that DJ. You'd have just gone home if he hadn't have made them do it, made them kiss and touch each other, made them glance out to the audience where you were standing.

They even looked right at you. Like your manager is doing right now, only without the scorn. Strike two.

Your colleague is speaking, the middle-class marketing bloke with a long commute every day and a fiance waiting for him at home in the evenings. You glance at him, like you've been paying attention all along.

We're still waiting to hear back from them on that,” he says. You hear him say “leaflets”.

Stay tuned for now. When you get home, you can think about this all you want and you can crack one out, get it of the system and catch up on sleep. You can imagine you're the DJ. Oh. You want this champagne? You're going to have to show me a little more.

The girls lift up each other's tiny denim skirts, looking at you, and French kiss. They spank each other, hard, a smack that you can hear the over your music, piercing the fast-paced, tuneless track. They show off their thongs, grope each other's breasts, push their cleavages against each other.

Please, Mr. DJ. Give us your sweet champagne.

You show them the bottle as one girl buries her face in between the other girl's breasts.

Keep trying, you think.

But something isn't right: the bass has dropped out on your sound system. You don't understand the audio deck, which isn't actually there- all you can see is three squat coffee tables pushed together. All you can hear is the snare of- of-

Of fabric being stretched.

Your trousers. Your hand in your pocket. Your own tugging. You stop, and start to shrink, in more ways than one.

Your colleagues- your married manager, the recently-graduated pretty assistant with the meathead boyfriend you hear of- the pregnant girl who has to slouch a little- they are all silent, looking at the floor, scarlet faced.

Strike three. Oh, you've been bad.

Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Beating Very Old Gym Records

The intended outcome

Do you ever go to the gym and hit certain machines, only to find you're getting nowhere with them so move onto other exercises? Do you ever make so much progress on certain movements that you totally forget about the ones you started on? I've been keeping records on my workouts since about 2011, during which time some movements I've made loads of improvements on and some I've made none. My oldest personal bests go back to 2012. I'm confident that I can make some improvements on a few of these.

So what are they?

14 wide-grip chin-ups 21/6/12
10 mins walk 8.3kph 11/7/12
10 mins reverse cross trainer 0.48k 13/10/12
Pec deck plate 14 21/12/12
Vertical dumbbell fly 18kg x2 7/7/13
1hr on cross trainer 2.91k 25/7/13
10 mins run 14.0kph 27/11/13
10 mins cross trainer 0.69k 11/3/14
13 bicep chin-ups 14/7/14
14 horizontal grip chin-ups 16/5/15

I'm expecting quite a few improvements on these as a lot of these movements are very similar to others that I've recently made PBs on. So let's see how it goes. Obviously a month from now is slap bang between Christmas and New Year, so who knows how many gym sessions I'll get in towards the end...

Monday, 28 November 2016

Northern Quarter Pub Crawl Anyone?

How are you fixed for Saturday? Fancy doing a few bars around Manchester's trendy Northern Quarter area? Manchester Cool Bars has a crawl lined up that you can get involved in. Meet new folk. Drink cocktails. Dance. Do what you want (within reason). They're starting in Cottonopolis on Newton St at 9. Get involved!

As December encroaches I'll be putting up fewer meetups, particularly once the inevitable snow arrives, so these prospective posts will be sparse.

Sunday, 27 November 2016

Secondcity in Sankeys

House music producers Secondcity played in Manchester's Sankeys last night. I saw this event- ran by Covert- in the club's calendar and put up a meetup on Manchester Cool Bars as early as possible, around a month ago, as I love their single I Wanna Feel.

We started in Northern Quarter bar Bluu, a nice place mostly for professionals and a short walk from the Ancoats venue. We got into Sankeys by 23:45 when Just Jorge was playing back-to-back with Brian Murphy, whose set included The Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up. I was a fair bit older than a lot of people- 18-24 and good looking is the average, to whom a track like this would be before their time.

The men's toilets weren't too bad but my female friend claimed the women's was abysmal.

When Secondcity took over their set was more tech house than their warmup, but well mixed. (Although they did whip out a few remixed 90s classics. See below.) There were some impressive dancers- customers with rhythm- in the venue.

Enjoyable set! I'll be keeping my eye on Sankeys events and may run more meetups- probably in the new year.